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Chapter 1: Johnny English

 

Warm beer. Doncha just love it? Maybe it’s a law in England that says you can’t serve beer under 40 degrees. Oh wait, they use Celsius here, which means, um, the beer is, what 10oC? Whatever – it’s not cold.

What surprises me more is that I’m getting a taste for bitter – that suspiciously dark beer that looks like it’s been made from a chipmunk ass. I blame James Rayment – beer-swilling ex-mob (Hereford Regiment, also known as the SAS) and paid up member of the Campaign for Real Ale. Ale? Have I just wandered onto the set of Carry on Henry?

But I love, love London cabs. Specifically the drivers are awesome – they know their way around better than any GPS. Goddamn they can drive. Talk too much, but they know their business.

I haven’t done any driving since we got here so in theory I can have the occasional drink, not that I really care. I’m here to work.

Yep, Mr. and Mrs. Grey are finally on their honeymoon. The wedding was low key, the main challenge being to keep out the paparazzi. The doc and Grey Senior weren’t happy about some of the alterations we had to make to their property – I mean, who wants razor wire around their garden walls? But that’s the reality now. Yes, you need all the serious infra-red shit to make sure trespassers are kept out, along with a good CCTV, but you need a visual giant fuck-off sign, too. It lets people know that we’re watching – so I use a mix of obvious, unobtrusive and hidden surveillance equipment. I had to promise the doc that we’d take the razor wire down afterwards although I wasn’t happy about that – but she insisted and it’s her home. I get that.

Welch coordinated the checks of all the catering staff, along with the guys who put up the marquee, extra security, and anyone else who was going to be on the property. And Grey pulled some strings with Seattle Air Route Traffic Control Center and got a no-fly zone over Bellevue for the day. The paps got pretty upset about that, citing the First Amendment, Freedom of the Press and all that shit. And what about the boss’s right to have a quiet wedding with no goddamn cameras and no skuzzy bastards with long lenses who’ve hired a heli to hover over your parents’ home while you’re trying to promise the woman you love that you’ll be with her forever?

Of course, any outdoor event is a security nightmare. It’s much harder to lock down an external site, for a start, and the margin of error and the ratio of possibilities is that much greater. Chaos Theory – also know as Shit Happens. But the outdoor setting with the view sweeping down towards the Sound was what Ana and Grey wanted, and I was going to do my part to make sure they got what they wanted. We lucked out on the weather, too, so from everyone else’s perspective it was a perfect day.

“Jason, darling, just relax. There isn’t one single thing more that you can do. Your blood pressure will be sky high if you carry on like this all day.”

“Mrs. Jones, the only thing that gets my blood pressure going around here is you, but it ain’t rushing to my head.”

I pushed my hips into her fucking amazing silk-covered ass just to make my point. She looked so beautiful in the pale blue dress that matched her eyes, her hair loose and shining like gold. I get hard just looking at her. And silk – fuck – that does things to a man. Well, this man.

“Hmm, well, you’ll have to hold that thought – probably for the next three weeks.”

Jeez – three long, lonely weeks.

“I wish you could hold it for me, baby.”

“Jason! We have a wedding to get to – and I don’t want to be… rumpled.”

“I’m going to miss… rumpling you, baby. I’m going to miss you, period.”

My woman had a wedding to get to and I couldn’t help wishing it was ours. But that would have to come later.

She’d been so happy that the boss had invited her as his and Ana’s guest. She’d gotten a printed invitation, one of the small handfuls that were sent out. And along with it, an appointment for her to have an outfit made at one of those high-end couture shops. Plus, I don’t know, a load of that shit women like: spa day, hair and make up. Fuck, but she smelled so good I wanted to take her there and then. Although getting arrested for public indecency probably isn’t what you’d call a good career move. Especially at your boss’s wedding.

All I know is that she looked fucking amazing.

“Just promise me one thing, Mrs. Jones.”

“What’s that, Jason?”

“Don’t make me wait too long to call you Mrs. Taylor.”

Her eyes softened and those fuckable lips curved up in a smile.

Those lips.

That was a week ago and right but now I’m sitting in a pub that you could generously call a dive, next to a hairy-assed Brit called James Rayment who is doing his best to teach me English English, as opposed to American English, which is an entirely different language, or so he says. It’s an education in the local lingo.

So far we’ve done currency. I’ve learned that a pony is £25. A monkey is £500. A ton is £100, but if you drive ton-up, you’re breaking the speed limit at 100 plus mph.

And £1 is a pound, quid or knicker. It would be legitimate for a bloke to say to a mate, “Here’s the ten knicker what I owes you.”

Okay, so I have to admit that my blood—alcohol level wouldn’t bear very close investigation at this precise moment in time, but what the fuck? It’s an evening off. And nothing against Mr. and Mrs. Grey, but going with someone else on their honeymoon officially blows.

The boss is getting it left right and center – probably – and all I get is a couple of minutes facetime with the lovely and very-far-away Gail. My balls will be bluer than the Queen’s carpet.

Grey is totally loved up and Ana… Mrs. Grey… is totally adoring. Which adds up to totally sickening for the poor sap – that’d be me – who has to follow their every loving, ever-loving steps. Except for tonight.

Rayment’s beta team is on the case and I am getting quietly wasted in a football-themed pub where the photographs are of some dude named Nobby Stiles. Not wanting to cause an international issue, but come on – Nobby? Does that sound like a famous soccer player? It kinda reminds me of when I was a kid and I wanted a really cool nickname. I got my friend Dylan to call me Hawkeye for a whole semester. Fuck, I loved that nickname. I could see myself running wild through the woods, hunting with the Injuns and all that. Until my teacher, Miss Van Hendon (known to us as Van Helsing), told me that Hawthorne’s character Hawkeye had a white name, too – Natty Bumppo. I was only ten, but even then I didn’t think it was possible to have a more uncool name. Seriously. No one called me Hawkeye after that.

It’s been a long day. The intrepid honeymooners have visited Whitechapel, following the trail of Jack the Ripper. Maybe I’m old fashioned, but following the route taken by a serial killer 120 something years ago doesn’t constitute my idea of honeymoon heaven. I was pretty fucking shocked when I found out it was Ana’s idea. I don’t think Grey was that keen either. It seemed a bit macabre to my way of thinking, but then again she had just married Mr. I-have-a-dungeon-in-my-penthouse. Go figure.

But when the tour guide started going into a considerable amount of grisly detail that made Ana look pale, I’d had enough. Grey was scowling and about to throw an epic shit fit in the middle of the cobbled street when I decided to have a quiet word in the guide’s ear, explaining that if he continued describing the murders in graphic anatomical detail, he’d soon be feeling said anatomical detail via the toe of my boot.

Discreet. That’s me.

I hadn’t expected to like London so much. A city is a city, right? But here history really is all around you. Something a couple of hundred years old is practically brand new. The Whitechapel tour included a run down to Wapping and Ratcliffe Lane which was originally ‘red cliff’ because of the color of the soil, another site of notorious murders and not far from a pub where pirates were hung* – 500 years ago. Five hundred goddamn years ago! Ana planned the route which makes me worry. The pub’s still there although they don’t stick heads on spikes anymore. But if Grey catches anyone else staring at his new wife, it might come back into fashion.

We walked past part of an old Roman Wall when Ana wanted to visit the Tower of London. It felt weird – two thousand years of history watching the Thames float past. It screws with you brain. Grey fixed it that she got an individual guided tour after the Tower had closed. I organized a boat to take them in via the river entrance – called Traitors’ Gate. Ana got a kick out of that and I got a kick out of seeing her so happy. And as for the boss, it’s kinda scary seeing him baring his teeth all the time.

So, yeah, the happy couple did all the touristy things, and Rayment had all the local knowledge to make it happen.

“So, you must like your gaffer, because you’ve been with him a while now, huh, JT?”

“Yep, four years.”

Jeez – four years?

“The wife seems nice. Bit young, but a sweet kid.”

I had the same thought when I first met Ana but she’s so much more than that. She’s got the King of Pain singing a new tune and it’s good to see. I know he still gets nightmares – Gail and I hear him sometimes – but it’s not nearly as often now. Whatever still haunts him, she’s beating back his demons one by one. She’s strong, although I don’t think she even realizes it.

“Yeah, she’s a good person. Good for him, too.”

I don’t want to talk about the boss anymore and Rayment knows when he’s being shut down.

“So, what you been up to, Jimbo? The work gone a bit quiet?”

“Is that a bleedin’ joke, JT? Nah, it’s been full on. I’ve just given up doing celebrities. Lost my fuckin’ nerve, din I.”

“What do you mean?”

I can’t imagine Rayment losing his nerve. What the fuck?

“I used to do a lot of red carpet work but it’s more gray hairs on my head than Desert Storm. Seriously, mate, when you’ve got crowds like that and all that’s keeping them back is a poxy rope and a couple of bollards, all it would take would be one tiny thing to set it off. Then you haven’t got a crowd of fans, you’ve got a howling mob. You don’t know if someone’s got a gun, a knife, a hypodermic needle. It’s a bleedin’ nightmare waiting to happen. Who needs that kind of crap in their lives. Know what I mean?”

He shakes his head and I can completely understand where he’s coming from. It’s the ultimate nightmare of close protection work – that you won’t be able to control ‘the situation’. We spend our lives trying to control the uncontrollable, trying to outguess the unexpected. The boss likes to be low-key which makes my job a helluva lot easier. But I never forget that he’s a potential target. He’s a billionaire – that makes him a target. Ana is a billionaire’s wife – that makes her a target. I don’t even know if she’s realized that from now on her life will be lived in a gilded cage.

“What sort of work you doing now then, Jim?”

“More your sort of work: security for high profile peeps. There’s no shortage of one-offs for people like me. Next month I’ll be out in Libya looking after some French geologists who are scoping out new oil wells. Then I’ve got two months in Nigeria. That’ll be grim, but it pays well. This is a picnic by comparison.”

He sees the expression on my face.

“Don’t worry, JT. My team has your boss covered. There won’t be any slip-ups – not on my watch. Wiltshire tomorrow, right? We’ve got two cars as well as the four-by-four that mister and missus will be riding in. More under the radar than a limo – I like the way Grey thinks.”

That is a scary thought.

“You want to ride upfront or with the happy couple, JT?”

“Yep. I’m with the Greys. Who’s driving?”

“Dead Ed.”

“Okay.”

‘Dead Ed’ is one of the best on Rayment’s team. I didn’t ask how he got his nickname – some British humor just doesn’t translate, probably. Although the guy kinda reminds me of a zombie film I saw once. You know the kind – where the head has been bolted on backwards. He’s a bit freaky, but he’s a damn good driver. Especially in a country where they all drive on the wrong side of the road. And roundabouts! Who the hell invented those and what were they on at the time? And mini roundabouts – or double mini roundabouts. Too fucking weird.

So our driver is ‘Dead Ed’. I worry about Rayment’s sense of humor. And fuck me, the jokes were bad.

“You’ll like this one, JT. Last night there was a big fight in our local fish and chip shop – a lot of fish got battered.”

Yeah. Like I said.

I was too tired to reply when I heard him mutter under his breath, “Bloody colonials.”

When I got back to the hotel there was a message from Welch to call him.

“Taylor, we’ve started getting some intel back from forensics.”

Fuck. I knew this was going to be bad.

“We’ve got a partial thumb print and so far it hasn’t matched any of the Boeing Airfield staff. It’s too early to say…”

Yeah, too early to say but we both know what that means.

“It’s too early to say that it’s sabotage for sure, and there are a lot more tests to do on the engines to rule out mechanical or electronics failure. So, we’re running the partial against national databases but with only a 35% print, it’s going to bring up tens of thousands of results.” He sighed. “But it’s a start. Will you tell Grey?”

Million dollar question.

“No. Not until we’ve got concrete information to give him. The poor fucker’s on his honeymoon. I don’t want to give him ‘may be’ or ‘could be’. When we know something for sure, yeah, then I’ll tell him.”

“He won’t like you keeping information from him, Taylor.”

“Don’t I fucking know it, but right now information is what we’re short of. But just to be on the safe side, ramp up the security at all sites. And tell Sullivan.”

“Okay, Taylor. Your call.”

Yeah, my call.

*    *    *

The next morning we leave the city behind. By special request of Mrs. Grey, we’re going to see Stonehenge. At dawn. For fuck’s sake. Has marrying Grey turned her into a druid?

We leave the hotel at 4:00 and head south west.

Rayment is on point and fully alert on less than four hours sleep. All ex-military personnel are used to that, but you don’t want to do it for too long or you get pretty strung-out. But one day of little sleep and long hours won’t kill us. Or impair our judgment, which is more important.

The sky is getting lighter behind us and dawn is chasing us across the country, but we arrive at the massive, gray stones in good time. Ana looks tired and pale and I wonder if she slept last night. She’s curled up under Grey’s arms and when he looks at her, he can’t hide the love he feels for her. I probably have that same look when Gail is near me. It’s not something that you can hide easily, although we both try – me and Grey. Yeah, I get that. It’s private.

As the sun’s rays seep above the horizon, I can’t help feeling part of something bigger. People have done exactly what I’m doing for 5,000 years. It’s strange, but I feel connected to …something. I can understand Ana’s fascination – there’s definitely something about the atmosphere here.

Ana pulls a tatty paperback out of her purse and begins to read.

“I like very much to be here,” she murmured. “It is so solemn and lonely – after my great happiness – with nothing but the sky above my face. It seems as if there were no folk in the world but we two; and I wish there were not.”

She looks up at Grey and her face glows with love. Rayment and I discreetly back away.

Gail always liked that book Tess of the D’Urbervilles. Once, she made me watch the film version. I thought Natasha Kinski was hot. But I could never figure out why women like to watch films that make them cry. Men don’t do that shit. Although the tears are pretty close every time James Bond totals another DB5 – but that is not the same fucking thing at all.

We leave the ring of stones behind as the first tourist coach arrives. Next stop is breakfast at some hotel in the market town of Dorchester. Ana wanders around with another paperback book, this time it’s The Mayor of Casterbridge in her hand, and she uses it to point out the relevant landmarks. The boss makes some comment about buying her a Kindle so she won’t have to carry so much around with her, and I see Ana visibly cringe.

He’ll talk her into it. The boss likes his toys. Oh, God help me. I cannot believe I had that thought. I want to bleach my brain.

Next stop on Ana’s literary pilgrimage is Lyme Regis. We’re already done the Howarth Parsonage in Yorkshire, home of the Brontës. What a dreary fucking place that was. No wonder they wrote Wuthering Heights. I don’t know what a wuther is but it sounded about right all the same. Damp, cold, miserable – and that’s in the summer. Cakes in the tourist teashop weren’t as good as Gail’s either. I couldn’t wait to get back to London and the smell of baking tarmac in the morning.

Back on the coast, I think Ana’s going to do the cape thing from The French Lieutenant’s Woman but no: now it’s Jane Austen. The village of Lyme Regis is like nothing I’ve ever seen before. Yeah, and then Rayment tells me it’s a town. Seriously? This place would fit in the back yard at Grey’s new place.

The harbor is protected by a stone wall reaching out into the sea like a hooked finger. Ana jumps off it onto the sidewalk and Grey catches her. She says she’s recreating a scene from Persuasion and she jumps off again, and this time Grey scowls at her, telling her that she’ll hurt herself. She rolls her eyes and says, “That’s the point!”

Yeah, I totally don’t get that either. But she looks happy.

I can see that Rayment is falling under Ana’s spell, too. He’s met Grey before so he knows what a double-hard bastard he is, but now his assessment of Ana being a ‘sweet kid’ is being re-evaluated. Rayment’s a smart guy and he can see the dynamics at work. Grey might think he’s calling the shots, but Ana is the one in charge. My mind flashes back to the morning she walked out on him – he was broken that day. I’m not saying she was any better, but it was still a fucking shock to see him in pieces.

I’ve learned that life can be short. When you find happiness, you run that fucker to the ground and hang onto it. Grey won’t be such a stupid bastard to let her go again. That I can guarantee.

After a full day of sightseeing, Ana looks exhausted. That brings out Rayment’s protective side and I can’t help raising an eyebrow as he grumbles about ‘that little girl’ being all worn out. He glares at Grey. It’s pretty fucking funny. If you’re me.

The drive back is quiet. We’re still in a convoy of three cars with the SUV – what Rayment calls a four-by-four which as it doesn’t have 16 wheels makes no sense to me whatso-fucking-ever – in the middle. Which is good because Rayment’s team have been discreet during the trip. The last thing Grey wanted was for Ana to feel like she was being watched all the time – which she is, of course. But I can do discreet, too. I wasn’t born wearing a shit hot, made-to-measure suit. I can do casual. I mean, you’re not going to catch me in Bermuda fucking shorts and a Hawaiian shirt because that shit just isn’t cool, but my woman kitted me out with a couple of pairs of chinos and some polo shirts. The Korth kinda stands out, even under a linen jacket, but I am not going anywhere without my weapon. Grey hates it. But my motto is I’d rather have it and not want it, than want it and not have it. Because you only think that way once.

There’s no news from Welch but I still feel uncomfortable keeping what little we know about the partial print from Grey. I know it’s the right thing to do, but I also know my ass will be grass if he finds out. Make that when he finds out.

There are a few details to iron out for the next leg of the journey which is to France. The security are ex-Legionnaires and served in the first Gulf War and Sarajevo. That was a bad fucking business. It’ll be interesting to meet them. Welch says they’re the best. They mostly work out of Dubai these days but Welch pulled some strings.

We’re traveling to France by train – the Eurostar. I don’t know if the boss is trying to do a trains, planes and automobiles or if he just wants to fuck on another form of transport. I don’t give a shit – what I do care about is that this Eurostar goes under the English Channel – that’s under the fucking sea. I know, but I’m a Marine – we go on the sea – on the fucking sea. I am not a fucking submariner. That shit is just wrong on so many levels. I don’t even like going in the Holland Tunnel, but at least that’s only a mile and a half long. The Channel Tunnel is over 20 miles. Shit. That makes me nervous. If there’s an accident or a fire, there’s no way I can guarantee to get Ana and Grey out.

I shake away the dark thoughts and keep my eyes open as we effect the hand-over at Waterloo Station. And just to really put me off my fucking stride I’ve got those irritating fucking Abba lyrics going around in my head:

And how could I ever refuse
I feel like I win when I lose.

Waterloo!

I’m having an out-of-body experience.

Fuck me. I need a holiday.

When we get to the station, I head out first to meet the French security who are taking over from Rayment.

“JT, this is Philippe and Gaston Reynard.”

God help me – it’s the Thomson Twins. All I need now is Tintin and Snowy. Seriously? A pair of identical twins is the most discreet undercover security Rayment could find me?

My eyes swivel towards him and the bastard is about ready to burst at the expression on my face.

“Yeah I know, but don’t sweat it, JT, they know what they’re doing. Met up with them in Kuwait. Phil, Gazza, this is Jason Taylor, close protection for Mr. and Mrs. Grey.”

“M’sieur,” says Example A.

“Bonjour,” says Example B.

“Why me?” says Example C (which is me). But I say it very, very quietly and determine to piss in Rayment’s shoes next time we meet up.

We shake hands and Rayment signals he’s out of there. I see relief on his face. I know where he’s coming from: any job where the client doesn’t get killed is another that you’ve won. He gets paid; he goes home. Job done.

There’s a certain satisfaction in being able to hand over the responsibility. I don’t say anything to Gail, but I think she gets what it’s like for me. I’m never off duty – not really. Whether I’m with her, or with Sophie, I’m still working. Grey is pretty fair about it, but things still happen at the last minute. That’s what I’m paid for. The weight gets heavy after a while.

From her guidebook-of-really-weird-British-shit, Ana informed us all that they used to kill witches by lying them down and putting a large stone over them. Then they’d add another stone, and another, and another, until the weight pressed down and killed you. Sometimes I feel like that – I feel the weight pressing down.

Or maybe it’s just because this fucking train takes me under the sea and I can feel the pressure of tons of water waiting to squash me like a tiny little bug. Yeah, yeah.

Ana and the boss have hired their own carriage which has a private bedroom. I wonder what the opposite of the mile high club is, because the ‘down under’ has connotations that I really don’t want to think about. And that’s not even taking into account the Australians.

You know the old joke?

The Land Down Under.

Men at Work.

Where do they work?

I can’t blame Grey – the bastard – but it leaves me fucking horny for Gail. So when I call her that night, I’m really hoping for some phone sex.

“Hey, baby. How are you?”

“Oh, Jason! It’s so good to hear from you. I’m fine. I’m at Allison’s.”

In the heart of the coven.

“Yeah? Say hi. On second thought, don’t say anything – she’ll put a hex on me.”

“Jason! That’s my sister you’re talking about!”

“I know, baby, but it felt like she tried to rip out my entrails last time I ate her cooking.”

She giggles. God, I love that sound.

“I miss you, baby. And JT Junior really misses you.”

“Is that so? I’ll have to see what I can do about that, but I’m actually standing in the middle of the food store at the moment.”

Oh.

“Allison says hi.”

“Okay,” I mutter. “Keep a silver bullet handy.”

“Bye, Jason!”

“Bye, baby.”

And she’s gone.

Things go smoothly in Paris. We visit the Left Bank of the Seine which is opposite the Right Bank – no shit – and visit some art galleries. We visit the Tuileries Palace that doesn’t have a palace and look at some flowers. What a shock. Notre Dame, the Eiffel Tower, the opera, the ballet. It all goes smoothly.

And then we get to the South of France.

It’s hot. It’s sunny. It’s by the ocean.

Ana gets her tits out.

The World Ends.

 

To be continued…

 

~~~~

 

* The Prospect of Whitby http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prospect_of_Whitby

 

Dedicated to Wendy Le Grand – I hope this made you smile. jhb x

110 Comments Post a comment
  1. 03/28/2013
    Lisa

    I was just waiting for Ana at the beach and Taylor’s view and then it ends — DAMMIT!! Wonderful story though and always ready for more Taylor. I enjoyed the various tidbits of English info included in the story and wonderful writing as usual! Now, not to be selfish and inconsiderate, but when do we get more?? Best to you.

    Reply
    • 03/29/2013
      Jane H-B

      Ah, Lisa Z, always wanting more! I’ll see what I can do. jx

      Reply
  2. 03/28/2013
    jennifer

    What can I say… I LOVED IT!!!

    Reply
    • 03/29/2013
      Jane H-B

      Ta! ; ) jx

      Reply
  3. 03/28/2013
    lili

    Great chapter. I just love how you fill in all the blanks. Can’t wait for the titty show down!

    Reply
    • 03/29/2013
      Jane H-B

      You have a way with words, m’dear! jx

      Reply
    • 04/6/2013

      Love this story!

      Reply
      • 04/7/2013
        Jane H-B

        Thanks, Tammy. Lovin’ the love : ) jx

  4. 03/28/2013
    Mrs P

    I’ve been looking forward to this chapter and you didn’t disappoint. I read it through, chuckling away to myself, it was an absolute joy. I love how we get the odd glimpse of his softer side, the way he cares for Ana and his boss, despite all the names he calls him. So witty and original. Now you’ve really whetted my appetite for the next chapter – awkward! thank you so much Jane and tbm.

    Reply
    • 03/29/2013
      Jane H-B

      thanks, missus. Glad you enjoyed it and love that you were chuckling : ) jx

      Reply
  5. 03/28/2013
    Tania

    Love, love, love it! Jason is a riot! Can’t wait for the next chapter. We’ve missed you!

    Reply
    • 03/29/2013
      Jane H-B

      thanks, sweetie. Hugs back at ya! jx

      Reply
  6. 03/28/2013
    Christie

    Argh! Darn cliffy just when we were getting to the good stuff!

    Reply
    • 03/29/2013
      Jane H-B

      Heh heh! Maybe the sadist in me is coming out. I blame Christian! jx

      Reply
  7. 03/28/2013
    Lynne

    I know you have other projects and of course they are your priority but THIS is why I follow this blog. I love all your FSOG stories and feel like they have been on the back burner for awhile now. It was so wonderful to get the alert that a Taylor story was posted. Reading a story a chapter at a time and having to wait weeks/months for the next one is CRAZY! With that said you somehow manage to make it worth the wait. Your writing is unmatched , and therefore I will again wait impatiently for any of your next wonder FSOG story chapter. Thank you for sharing your talents with us!

    Reply
    • 03/29/2013
      Jane H-B

      Thanks, Lynne. Yes, been working on other things, so thanks for your patience. But also had some family stuff which is on-going. I love getting back to Taylor when I can, so thanks for hanging on in there. jx

      Reply
  8. 03/28/2013
    Nan Virden

    Ahh, good old Jason the Brit! Love it! And now a Frenchman. Ooo, la la. Love his witty opinions and cultural endurance. And yearning for his own love, Gail. As always a great chapter and wow, I can’t wait for Jason’s reaction to the next chapter’s risque mistake. You have made my afternoon seem not so glum Jane. Thank you so much!

    Reply
    • 03/29/2013
      Jane H-B

      Then job done, Nan. Hope your sky is blue today. Hugs, jx

      Reply
  9. 03/28/2013
    Heather

    Brilliant love jt’s pov it’s really comically written but 100% entertaining keep it up excuse the pun can’t wait foe next chapter your proof reading sub heather

    Reply
    • 03/29/2013
      Jane H-B

      Hi honeybun, thanks so much for writing. Glad you enjoyed it, you naughty lil sub! jx

      Reply
  10. 03/28/2013

    Oh my god, I hadn’t heard from Taylor for so long I forgot how funny he is. This was hilarious, his thoughts and coments just make me laugh so hard I don’t need any further tummy workout! 🙂
    And Ana is, as it seems, displaying the more sadistic aspects of her mind and soul with all the whore ripping, pirate hanging and witch chrushing as well as lashing her man and her security out of bed just to enjoy Stonehenge* at dawn. This might get quite interesting in the near future of the Greys’ intimate private life. 😉

    Jane and Lisa, thank you so much for posting.

    *How funny, in the German edition of Wikipedia, today, Stonehenge is the article of the day. 🙂

    Reply
    • 03/29/2013
      Jane H-B

      Hi Gru, guess the Germans follow my blog. What can I say – Taylor must have influence. Or maybe it was Welch : ) Very glad to be helping with your Easter fitness plan. Makes a change from biting the heads off chocolate bunnies : ) jx

      Reply
      • 03/29/2013

        Don’t mention the bunnies… I’m kind of overdosed. I’ve got a friend at work whose mom works for Lindt…
        Happy Easter to all of you!

      • 03/29/2013
        Jane H-B

        Didn’t know you could have too much choc. Ah well, live and learn : ) jx

      • 03/29/2013

        Oh believe me, you can have way too much if you are so excessive as I am when it comes to chocolate. 🙂

  11. 03/28/2013
    Sue

    What a super unexpected treat this was today. I have so missed Taylor. Thank you

    Reply
    • 03/29/2013
      Jane H-B

      Yeah, me, too. Glad you enjoyed it. jx

      Reply
  12. 03/28/2013

    Oh, Taylor and his bluntness. Love it!

    Reply
    • 03/29/2013
      Jane H-B

      Heh heh. Blunt, in a never speaking sort of way! Glad you enjoyed it. jx

      Reply
  13. 03/28/2013
    La Cretia

    Loved It!!!

    Reply
    • 03/29/2013
      Jane H-B

      Thanks, LC : ) jx

      Reply
  14. 03/28/2013

    LoveloveloveTaylor! Thank you =0)

    Reply
    • 03/29/2013
      Jane H-B

      Ta! jx

      Reply
  15. 03/29/2013

    What a lovely surprise it was to hear that, Taylor was back! I had to get in the mood. Him being in England and all. Brewed ma a cup of Yorkshire Gold tea and settled down.
    Jane, Jane, every word you wrote, had me Sid by side with Taylor on many of the places the Greys visited. You outdid yourself with the ‘slang’ terms.
    Taylor’s reaction to his, CPP buddies was hilarious. Especially the Twins!
    I wonder which scares Taylor time most; fireworks, the Channel tunnel…Chunnel, or, Gail’s sister???
    I enjoyed this chapter so much. Your writing always lifts the spirit. Thank you.

    Reply
    • 03/29/2013
      Jane H-B

      I think Gail scares him the most!! Glad you enjoyed it, my little Yorkshire bunny. jx (I know you’re not from Yorkshire, but what with the tea and all… : )

      Reply
  16. 03/29/2013
    Chris L

    So many song references for those of us of a certain age. I have been constantly on Youtube while reading this chapter. Love Taylor. You give him a great sense for the dramatic. the ending of the chapter is perfect. I enjoyed learning more British English. Thanks again for filling in the blanks of Christian and Ana’s visit to England. I never understood why ELJ didn’t say more about their time there given its importance to Ana and its role in their early relationship. Great to have you back. I hope you can take a break from work. I hope the family is well. Enjoy your Easter.

    Reply
    • 03/29/2013
      Jane H-B

      Thanks so much, honey. I could have written half a book on Taylor’s adventures in the UK. Definitely some one-shots waiting to happen. Imagine Rayment taking him to a soccer game! Come on you Spurs! (Tottenham Hotspur) You have a great Easter, too, lovely, lovely Chris. jx

      Reply
      • 03/29/2013
        Chris L

        Thanks Jane, I did my Lenten penance with Sasha. Its a VERY small world now.

      • 03/29/2013
        Jane H-B

        I know what you mean!! jx

  17. 03/29/2013
    Holly

    Worth the wait.

    Reply
    • 03/29/2013
      Jane H-B

      That’s kind. Thank you, Holly. Sorry to make you wait. jx

      Reply
  18. 03/29/2013
    Karyn Jacobs

    Well done!! It’s been a while.. Haven’t herd from Taylor in so long!! But definatly worth the wait!! I love the ending!! “Ana gets her tits out…The world ends!”

    Reply
    • 03/29/2013
      Jane H-B

      yeah, it’s been a while, but glad you enjoyed it. jx

      Reply
  19. 03/29/2013
    Capt. Spicy

    I love Taylor’s POV and am so happy you are continuing Fifty Shades of Taylor. I do have a minor quibble–in the US we don’t have marquees. We call them tents or canopies.

    Reply
    • 03/29/2013
      Jane H-B

      Darn it! Thanks for letting me know. My lovely beta is on holiday so Britishims have probably snuck in. Sorree! jx

      Reply
  20. 03/29/2013
    Christina

    Loved! Really enjoyed your discriptions of London, I hope I can visit one day. As always I love Taylor’s wit and humor. Plus, the way you ended the chapter was hilarious! It’s hot! It’s sunny! It’s by the beach! Anna gets her tits out! The World Ends! Lol!! Awesome! Always wanted to see Taylor’s perspective on Ana exposing herself, can’t wait to see what you have in store. Thanks for the update, it was an unexpected treat. Hope your both doing well and good luck on your book sells. Love your writing:)) Hace a great Easter weekend!

    Reply
    • 03/29/2013
      Jane H-B

      Ha ha! Glad you enjoyed it. Poor Taylor, having to watch someone else’s honeymoon. He’ll get over it… eventually. jx

      Reply
  21. 03/29/2013
    Michelle

    Yep it’s a great chapter, so funny, so entertaining, I love the thoughtful comments left by the other readers especially Lynn, , I feel the same!! :)0

    Reply
    • 03/29/2013
      Jane H-B

      Thanks, sweetie : ) jx

      Reply
  22. 03/29/2013
    Karen

    Loved it.. Worth the wait… I was waiting for JT’s comment s on Ana in south of f, and her antics on the ski, and “high command” comments.. Know they will come nex… Please post soon. Thanks..

    Reply
  23. 03/29/2013
    Cori

    A lot of fish got battered…….. I love that line!! LOL Sure do miss the local chippie! As always, you excel, Jane! What a lovely taste of home to hear Taylor’s point of view on roundabouts, Yorkshire moors, London cabs, Stonehenge…….. Thanks for taking time out of your tremendously busy schedule to share another chapter of Taylor with us! *hugs*

    Reply
    • 03/29/2013
      Jane H-B

      Aw, sweetie. Hugs to you and a nice cup of Tetley. jx

      Reply
  24. 03/29/2013

    ah…how wonderful to have a honeymoon where your husband takes you the the city you’ve always dreamed about going and have him to share it with and then take you to the most romantic cities…first class all the way…*sigh*

    one of the reasons why taylor is so great at what he does is he has an incredible talent of reading people. he knows christian very well and when he was talking about how much christian loves ana, he absolutely knows and could even guarantee that christian found his light and happiness in ana and won’t be stupid to hurt her. jason saw how christian felt when and left him.
    i laughed when jason indicated that ana was actually running the show…ana just didn’t realize it. i agree! with that in mind, this is why i believe that christian and ana would stay in love and married.

    love this chapter. JT was at his best…witty and funny! love love love jason taylor! well done.

    Reply
    • 03/29/2013
      Jane H-B

      Hi Skin, thanks so much for posting here and on ff. Love your comments – just the best. Hope all is good with you. jx

      Reply
  25. 03/29/2013
    Evelyne-raconte

    I love Taylor’s POV, to see the marriage and the honeymoon on his side is great. Can’t wait to read more, especially about the “titties debacle”. LOL !
    I wish you a happy Easter weekend.

    Reply
    • 03/29/2013
      Jane H-B

      Thanks, Evelyne. Have a great weekend. xjx

      Reply
  26. 03/29/2013

    Ahh this chapter makes me laugh so much… The thomson twins? Bwahahaha….whats missing isnTintin and snowy.. Woof!! Lol

    Waterloo… Land down under… Lol..ahh too funny . Cant wait or the peep show next chapter with thomson twins ogling mrs. Grey’s twins. Lmao!!!

    Reply
    • 03/29/2013
      Jane H-B

      Love that you’re laughing, Aud : ) jx

      Reply
  27. 03/29/2013
    Sophie Fitzherbert

    Finally but then it ended. It’s good to be back! Had a lot of reading to do here.
    Hi Jane and to you Blog Master!

    Reply
    • 03/29/2013
      Jane H-B

      And to you! : ) jx

      Reply
  28. 03/29/2013

    I just love Taylor, can’t wait for the next chapter. Great job on this one!

    Reply
    • 03/29/2013
      Jane H-B

      Thanks, Mary. : ) look, smiling! jx

      Reply
  29. 03/29/2013
    Roxanne

    well written, I loved it, this was a quiet time in their lives, it was nice they could have this time. And as Taylor said at the end, “and then the tits came out”

    I know when we get to somewhere in Book 111 of Sades, that Taylor and Gail are married, I am looking forward to your writing that chapter in Taylor’s life. (I have to go and read that book again) Good job, love your writing.

    Reply
    • 03/29/2013
      Jane H-B

      Thanks, Roxanne. Yes, the quiet time – it’s fun to write and just so the little nothings that mean so much in life. Glad you enjoyed it. jx

      Reply
  30. 03/29/2013
    jackieshopper

    What a greatly detailed chapter. I think i love how you filled in all the details here. All the minutia.

    And the best part… the last 2 sentences. This might be, no, it is, my 2nd favorite line in the whole series, after the chocolate dildo comment from book 2.

    Fucking awesome. Thank you.

    Reply
    • 03/29/2013
      Jane H-B

      Heh heh. You are a woman of rare distaste and discernment. Thank you so much! Hugs, jx

      Reply
  31. 03/29/2013
    joeyjo81

    Amazing Jane, loved it. I can just imagine Taylor over here with us. Made me laugh.

    Reply
    • 03/29/2013
      Jane H-B

      Love that you’re laughing! jx

      Reply
  32. 03/29/2013

    Another wonderful chapter Jane in seventh heaven Taylor and Sebastian.

    Reply
    • 03/29/2013
      Jane H-B

      Aw, thanks, hon! jx

      Reply
  33. 03/29/2013
    Isabel

    I enjoyed the chapter so much. Thanks so much, Jane. Definitely worth the wait. However, I am a plan ahead girl; after Taylor’s POV would you write Grey’s POV, Pleeeeeeeeease? It would be interesting to see his changes and struggles during the whole journey.

    Reply
    • 03/29/2013
      Nancy M.

      Isabel… you need to go to christiangrey50shadesblogspot.com for CG’s POV. you will be really happy with that blog. She’s on Book 3.

      Reply
  34. 03/29/2013
    Ruth

    I love your writing…..you have nailed this character! Can’t wait for more!

    Reply
    • 03/29/2013
      Jane H-B

      Thanks, Ruth. Taylor will ride again soon. jx

      Reply
  35. 03/29/2013
    Nancy M.

    So glad you are back and in fine form! Damn that was funny, interesting, a learning experience and then you left us with the cliff hanger….how dare you! What a great way to start the Easter weekend. Love you and missed you bunches.

    Reply
    • 03/29/2013
      Jane H-B

      Aw, thanks, hon. Glad you enjoyed it, even with a cliffie : ) jx

      Reply
  36. 03/30/2013
    Isabel

    Thanks, Nancy. I just finished re-reading the FSOG for the nth time and just started reading the latest Black Dagger Brotherhood book but now I think I need to explore Christian’s POV first. 🙂

    Reply
    • 03/30/2013
      Jane H-B

      yeah, she does a brilliant job. My fave line is from the first book, “Yes, Miss Steele. I am a big boy.” Priceless. jx

      Reply
      • 04/2/2013
        Nancy M.

        You’re a hoot!

      • 04/2/2013
        Jane H-B

        Thanks, hon. I’ll get to the good doctor sooon. jx

  37. 03/30/2013
    vicki

    That was worth the wait thankyou for this chapter i loved the wit about the kindle 🙂 that double entendre was so funny !!! Have a Great easter and thanks again

    Reply
    • 03/30/2013
      Jane H-B

      Heh heh! Couldn’t resist! Happy Easter to you, too. jx

      Reply
  38. 03/30/2013

    Love all the fun British stuff you added. And then your closing, brilliant!

    Reply
    • 03/30/2013
      Jane H-B

      Thanks, Laters! ; ) jx

      Reply
  39. 04/2/2013
    Kelly

    Awesome, simply awesome chapter!!
    I smiled, I giggled, I love the blunt corny humour of JT. Can’t wait for the next chapter & the fireworks over sunbathing that will ensue.

    Reply
    • 04/2/2013
      Jane H-B

      Thanks, Kelly. Bangers and Catherine wheels coming up. Probably some rockets, too : ) jx

      Reply
  40. 04/5/2013
    Sami

    Been saving this chapter for a few days, and it was really worth it 🙂 Loved it as usual 🙂 Can’t wait for the rest! Have a great weekend! 🙂

    Reply
    • 04/5/2013
      Jane H-B

      I got such a kick out of hearing that you’d ‘saved it’ to read! Aw, thanks! jx

      Reply
  41. 04/8/2013
    Diana

    Hello…..well of course yet another great chapter :+) I so love how you wrote “Taylor!” Totally amazing…what you produced from fingertips to keyboard or pen to paper…however you wrote!! I just know that you make all of us fans so happy, we adore you as a writer ;=) Please keep the chapter coming……
    I also anxiously await a A&C–POV…..that is so overdue…..cannot wait until the time is on your side and you’re able to jot down some magic for us :+) TY TY TY TY Hugs,
    A devout follower……………..

    Reply
    • 04/8/2013
      Jane H-B

      Thanks so much, Diana. I know, it’s all overdue but so glad you’re enjoying the writing. Really appreciate you writing. : ) jx

      Reply
  42. 04/8/2013
    Jo Ann

    I was really looking forward to this and you did not disappoint me!!! Today is the end of my vacation, and it was nice to have this before i go back to that dreaded place, WORK!!! Keep up the good work.

    Reply
    • 04/10/2013
      Jane H-B

      I’m not sure that four-letter-word is allowed on this blog. I’ll have to check with The Blog Mistress. You’re skating on thin ice, Jo Ann! ; ) jx

      Reply
  43. 04/10/2013
    Odessa

    You never disappoint, I loved this chapter as I love the others. It is so strange how when I read the book Taylor sounds British in my mind, but when I read this he sounds like someone from Jersey. I can’t wait for the next chapter. Thank you so much for your hard work.

    Reply
    • 04/10/2013
      Jane H-B

      I love LOVE that you hear his voice! Jersey, huh. Yeah, that definitely works. Thank you!!! jx

      Reply
  44. 04/15/2013
    Sheila

    Love this chapter, thank you very much it was another good read.

    Reply
    • 04/19/2013
      Jane H-B

      Thanks, Sheila. Happy you enjoyed it : ) jx

      Reply
  45. 04/24/2013
    Leanne rossell

    I love Taylor even more after reading this story!!!

    Reply
    • 04/25/2013
      Jane H-B

      So glad! Thank you : ) jx

      Reply
  46. 04/25/2013
    Ali C

    I love this chapter!! Love it, love it…. I really wanna know what happens next. I keep coming back here to see if there is a new chapter and still nothing. :-(… Hoping for an update soon… Keep going. All your FSOG stories are amazing. :-)..

    Reply
    • 04/30/2013
      Jane H-B

      Thanks, Ali. I WILL get around to it, I promise : ) jx

      Reply
  47. 04/26/2013
    Kelly

    ROFLMSAO!!!! OH MY HELL what a place to leave us with a cliff hanger!!
    Another great Jason chapter!

    Reply
    • 04/30/2013
      Jane H-B

      Heh heh! Got to admit I had some fun with that : ) Glad you enjoyed it. jx

      Reply
  48. 04/27/2013
    Zoe

    Hi I’ve only just found this blog on Thursday and I’ve completed all the chapters. I love the way Taylor comes across thank you for writing his side of the story 🙂 I’m just wondering when do you update the blog??

    Reply
    • 04/30/2013
      Jane H-B

      Thanks, Zoe. I don’t have a regular update schedule but I’ve got some time the coming weekend, so ya never know. Thanks for writing. jx

      Reply
      • 04/30/2013
        Zoe

        Hi, ok no worries I’ll just keep checking. Thank you!

      • 05/3/2013
        Jane H-B

        Started a new Taylor chapter this morning – thought you’d like to know : ) jx

  49. 04/28/2013
    donna

    love Taylors pov!

    Reply
    • 04/30/2013
      Jane H-B

      Thank you! jx

      Reply
  50. 05/21/2013
    Michelle

    Brilliant iv caught up know nealy, Iv lol so much, I agrree with Taylor re roundabouts hat the blooming things (im from the uk) Iv just read Ana get her tits out and the world ends, so glad i can read the next bit and not have to wait,

    Reply
    • 05/23/2013
      Jane H-B

      Heh heh. Glad you’re enjoying the ride : ) jx

      Reply

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